He's my son

How many of you are following the Stellan story on MckMama's blog? I have to say, I'm a little obsessed the with it. I even thought about joining the twitter nation, just to follow her on twitter too. She is honest about her life as a wife and mother. She shares truth concerning her faith and struggles. She raises good questions about prayer and healing. But mingled in with all of that is a positive, never give up attitude that is contagious.

I say all of that to share a story about Garrett that brought me to tears. Ok, and a little bit of sobbing.

I was checking "my charming kids" for the fifth time yesterday morning and decided it was a good time to watch a picture montage, set to the song, "He's My Son" by Mark Schultz, that someone had made for MckMama. She warned to have tissues handy, which I didn't. As I began watching it, Garrett joined me. Picture after picture rolled by of Stellan in the hospital, hooked up to wires and tubes. Garrett continued to take in the images and asked, "What's wrong with that baby, mom?" I explained that he was born with a sick heart and that he had to be in the hospital so the doctors could fix his heart. I went a little further to explain that if your heart is sick, that your whole body is sick, b/c our hearts keep us alive.

VERY seriously and with his lip quivering he asked me, "Is he going to die?"

I shrugged my shoulders, getting ready to explain that LOTS of people are praying for him...etc, but he cut me off.

"He's not going to die, mom. Jesus is going to"...he struggles to find the right word... "cure him."

Ok, so the video hadn't made me cry, yet. But that comment started the tears. I grabbed him, put him on my lap and finished the video together. Me, quietly crying behind him all the way through it.

When it finished he looked up at me, lip quivering a little harder this time, tears welled up in his eyes. "Why are you crying buddy?"

"Because, that was a really sad song. I don't want that baby to die."

We went on to talk about how we can pray that God will heal him completely and how we can be thankful for our healthy family.

"Let the little children come to me, and so not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it."

Mark 10:15

We miss him!

It's official. I miss Josh. Olivia misses daddy. Garrett misses daddy. Esther misses daddy. And I'm sure, in his non-verbal way, Gideon misses daddy. And I know Indy misses his walks with daddy!

We are happy, different, changing, and the same. We are the same 6 people who moved from Michigan two months ago undergoing a major shift in life.

One of us is a little thinner.
One of us is a little bigger.
One of us is a little more tired.
One of us is a little more structured.
One of us wakes up REALLY grumpy from our naps.
One of us just keeps getting cuter.

But we're all the same people, dealing with change in our own way, and yet we deal with it together.

Olivia told me she was crying at school today. She thinks that because she's there all day, she's seeing Josh less then the other kids. I don't know if she thinks he's coming home at lunch, but I told her that she sees him as much as the other kids. I'm sure she misses walking home from the bus with him, eating lunch with him, and having him home at dinner 7 nights a week. I know I miss those things.

Garrett asks to wrestle at least 2 times a night. This was their activity. Josh wants to do it, and usually does, it just really hard because he's so physically drained.

All the kids would get excited when he would come home from work, but not like now! Man, they run out the door and meet him on the street. Esther yelling, "Daddy home!" and Gideon screaming joyfully all the way across the yard. The older two usually pull up on their bikes a minutes or two later to say welcome home.

I just thought of this while I was typing. Last night, while my dad and I were making dinner, all the kids were playing outside. Olivia asked me, "what does daddy's shirt say?" "His work shirt says, Lawn Connection. That's who he works for." "Thanks!" And she ran down the driveway. A couple of minutes later I walked down to find her drawing a chalk picture of Josh, in his work clothes, standing next to her. It was cute and she couldn't wait to show it to him.

So, we're all adjusting, some of us slower then others, some of us more verbally than others. We continue to trust in God and seek his direction as we train and lead our children through this new time in life. I know most of you already saw these pictures on facebook, but they are the most recent ones I have of my amazingly hot, hard working, husband...who I love!

Spring Break

School starts back up today. I don't know if I'm glad or dreading the schedule that I have to get back into. The kids had fun this week making new friends in the neighborhood, playing with cousins, and going to parties. The not so fun part was waiting out the rain for two days. Here's some pictures from the week.The girls at "Auntie Brooke's" (my cousin) baby shower. From left to right, Katie, Brooke's sister-in-law (no, I didn't type the relation wrong, she really is Brooke's husband's sister!), Olivia, Ella (my cousin Lauren's daughter), Esther and Avery.

The kids really love the playset in my parents side yard. Many, many hours are spent swinging and sliding!

One of the rainy days I covered the kitchen table with paper and let the kids go after it with Dot Paints. They are awesome! No prep, easy clean-up, fun for hours (ok, minutes), FUN!

Imperfection is perfect

Now that I'm living in the same house I grew up in, I've got a new appreciation for the house, the neighborhood, and the town that I grew up in. But most of all for my parents...here's the story...

I've always appreciated my parent's willingness to have an "open door" policy. When we were little, this was the house everyone came to. It wasn't well decorated, adorned, or fancy. BUT, it was a HOME, lived in, and loved. When we were teens, the freedom to bring our friends home didn't stop and you could often find our living room full of teens watching TV or just hanging out. One by one we went off to college, and you could almost guarantee at breaks, we brought people with us. Mom and dad never complained, never said no. They've had friends of ours live with them for long lengths of time. Co-workers, who needed temporary housing. And even fiances, who needed to save a couple of bucks, who moved in. When we were all finally out of the house two years ago, they were ready to be empty nesters...and for two years they were. However, the "open door" policy came back to haunt them. Josh and Corrie needed to save some money for a big move they had coming up and moved back into 428 Bem st. Mom and dad once again, embraced the extra bodies, including a dog. In January, Josh and I had a big move coming too, and the first place we knew to go to for help was mom and dad. Even with our four kids and dog in toe, they didn't hesitate to make it work. We moved in, took over two rooms and created enough upheaval in their lives for 10 years. Never a complaint, dirty look, or sigh of annoyance. Unconditional, 100% sacrificial love.

My dad and I sat outside watching the kids play, in the same yard I played in as a child. There were kids everywhere. Eight in our yard, three across one street, and five across the other. One day, not so many years ago, it was us filling the air with laughs and conversation with our friends. Playing football in the side yard, suicide on the big abandoned building, and whiffle ball on the corners. Now, a generation later, it continues. The life of this blue collar, low income town still rings loud and true. We've lived in three towns since being married, and only now do I realize what was missing from them. The freedom to play, uninhibited, as children should play. To get dirty, really dirty. To make friends, with every kid, no matter what color they are, what language they speak, or what their house looks like.

That same afternoon, while we sat outside, a guy on a motorcycle pulled up in front of the house. My dad wasn't alarmed, but said, "Oh, it's Bruce." Bruce was one of the kids who grew up in the house across the street from my parents. He and my brother were friends and we often took him to church. He was a great, friendly kid. All these years later, he stops at the house to catch up with my dad. He's a man, living on his own, with his own life. But, and this is just my opinion, I believe that my parents had such an impact on Bruce's life, that he enjoys coming back. He knows he was loved here once and feels that love when he comes back. The "open door" policy, unconditional love...are you seeing the pattern?

Do you know what I love about this house? All the imperfections. Including the inhabitants, past and present. I love that every wall tells a story, of before I was born, to after I was born, to the present. There are pieces of art made my by grandmother's hands, framed by by grandfather. There are pieces of art made by my mother's hands and our hands, framed by my father's hands. There are missing walls, that tell stories of in-laws working together to make a more comfortable living space for everyone.

Here's some of the history that hangs on the staircase walls.

I love that all of our paintings from our Sr. years of high school still line the walls of the staircase.

Here's the missing walls. And yes, the room has two different colored carpets and two different color rugs, but WHO CARES?!?!? Those multi-colored carpets continue the story that the walls started.

You know what these kitchen counters are telling me? "Yeah, there's not a lot of working space on me. And yeah, I feel crowed when there's two people in my space. But I love the conversation that happens around this table. I love being a part of the game nights. I love all the years of Easter egg dying, pumpkin carving, and cookie baking, no matter how many people are here. And you know what, I really like being crowded!"

This is the room I grew up in. The purple carpet is what my mom picked out for our room when we put the addition on. And it's never changed. I think the red is the third coat of paint on these walls, and I think they like not matching each other. Yep, they do, they really do!

This is the imperfect hallway upstairs. And if it could talk it would tell you this: That it really likes being uneven. It likes being the thruway between my parents room and the most lived in bedroom in the house. It likes the little feet that cross it every morning to wake up Grammy and P-pop (even if they don't always like it)!

Oooooo, this is one of my FAVORITE things about the house. The way it's heated. Do you know what this is? It's a radiator, (pronounced, 'rad'- (as in "That's totally rad!") -iator. Please do not read it RAIDIATOR or you will ruin the picture. I remember as a kids, we liked to warm our feet on them while we watched TV. They were great for drying our snowy clothes and warming our coats before going out in the cold. They really screw up the wall space available for furniture, but add such character, especially when you pronounce it RADiator. :)

I love that when we added on to the house, my grandfather and father slaved away to build us a better home. I love that my husband has added to this house. That there are nails hammered in by generations of loved ones, past and present. That it's a work in progress. Because, isn't that what we all are? Imperfect, flawed, uneven, and crowded out. But put together with unconditional love.

This is what the house looked like when my parents bought it.

This is what it looks like today. Notice the open door... come on over for a visit...we'd love to have you!

I love this house, the people who live here, who have lived here, and the neighborhood it's a part of. I love the history, the imperfection, the beauty.

The tooth is gone

Finally! Olivia's first tooth has been loose for months. The dentist told us she would loose it before we moved. She didn't. She didn't work it the way I remember working my teeth when I was a kid. This tooth has been hanging at a really gross angle for weeks. We tried everything to get her to work it out. The tooth fairy, unlimited DS time for a day, nothing worked. Until dinner tonight. One bite in, and it was out.



O: "Mom, I don't feel my tooth!"

M: "You lost it!?! Where is it? Is it in your mouth? On your plate? On the floor?"

We looked everywhere, except the one place that it probably is, her stomach. She said she didn't feel it go down, but it's the only explanation. So, in place of her tooth, she wrote this letter:

I guess we'll see tomorrow if the tooth fairy takes notes. :)


Token, "I just lost my first tooth" picture.

Garrett's first day of Preschool/Olivia's new class

Today couldn't have gone better. I was a little worried about Garrett after last night's conversation. He looked up at me and said, "Mom, is tomorrow school?" "Yes!" I said as enthusiastically as possible. He looks down and says, "Oh...well...I don't think I want to go. I'm not going to like it." "Oh, buddy, I really think you're going to LOVE school, you need to give it a try before you decide you're not going to like it. Ok?" "Uh-hu."

I can tell, I haven't convinced him.

I sleep terribly, thinking about Olivia being the 'new kid.' About Garrett not adjusting to change. I pray for peace, for all of us. For a spirit of power, not a spirit of fear.

I wake up, ready the kids for school - pray, pray, pray.

Olivia has her coat on for 10 minutes before we have to go. She's ready! Garrett doesn't go to preschool until the afternoon, but I thought it would be a good idea for him to see Olivia go to her class for his confidence.

Walk into the office, wait for the teacher. The staff was welcoming and wonderful. Mrs. S. comes in, shakes hands, explains drop off, lunch, class, specials...so much information!! I explain that Olivia has not experienced all day school yet, but that I'm not worried about her AT ALL. O and G are taking it all in. The colorful hallways, the busy adults, safety patrol at the doors, and all the kids. We walk into the all purpose room where O will line up for her day. A nice woman greets G, "HI HANDSOME!" G plays shy, but smiles as we walk by.

O is taking in the more than 100 kindergartners in the APR - she seems a little taken back, but not afraid. The teacher invites G and I to go up to her room and see it. I'm glad, for G. As we walk in line through the school, I can feel G's excitement rising - just by his energy.

O is dropped off, she doesn't even turn to hug or kiss me, I had to go over to her (tear)! As we walked out of the building G says, "Mom, is it lunchtime yet?" I think, "Oh man, this is going to be a LONG morning!"

G was so excited the whole morning, asked if it was lunch time more than 20 times! Prayers were answered! He was excited when I dropped him off and when I picked him up. His teacher said he did great, lets pray he keeps it up.

I wasn't crazy with the camera at the school b/c I felt a little foolish taking pictures of my kids in the middle of the school year. I hope these are good enough.

G and O outside the van, ready to take O in the morning.

O waiting in her class for instructions on what to do. The tongue is sticking out b/c of her loose tooth. Her bottom tooth is REALLY lose, but she doesn't work it a whole lot. Her adult tooth is coming in, so I'm hoping it will push the other out.

The hallway outside her door. Her classroom is the door on the right.

G, confidently going into the school.

Waiting to meet his teacher. And yes, he LOVES his Ironman back pack.

What's up...

We are moved into my mom and dad's house. Officially, stop number 2. Who knows how long we'll be here but we're ok with not knowing everything, God has a plan.


Here's what we've been up to:


We've been visiting churches, trying to find our fit. This is harder then we thought it was going to be. There are so many things to consider when finding a church home, one of the most important things, we are finding out, is where the kids are happy and thriving.


Josh was busy trying to get a job - tons of applications online and lots a resumes sent out. But he got a job, the way we knew he would, through people we knew. My sister-in-law, Cheryl, just started at a company called Lawn Connection and was able to get him started there in less than a week. It's been quite and adjustment for him, working LONG hours and doing hard labor. He likes it a lot, just has to get used to the schedule. I wish I had a picture of the sun-tan he's getting!!


My sister and I moved us to my parents on Tuesday. I'd like to thank the Leeds family again for letting us crash in their family room for the last month +. I know it was a great time for us. We are so thankful for the love that was shown to us - for everything we can never re-pay, only thank, thank, and thank some more! Back at my parents house, the last thing I have to do is get my hard working husband to move the dressers into the house so we can stop living out of bins and suitcases. I'm patiently waiting...

We've also been fighting a serious fever virus that is wreaking havoc on my children's immune systems. This thing WILL NOT go away! Olivia and Gideon had it at the same time and Garrett and Esther have both had days on and off with the fever. All I can do is hydrate and keep them as comfortable as possible. Today was Esther's turn to have the fever again. She ran the highest fever of all the kids today, and I have to say, is handling it really well.

As many of you knew, we were not going to have Olivia finish school, but start 1st grade in the fall. After some consideration, we have decided to have her finish Kindergarten at Riverside Elementary. She will be going all day, everyday, which will be adjustment from MI, where she was half day, everyday. Garrett will also be starting preschool, which he's never experienced before. He will go in the afternoon from 12:10-2:33. I'm really excited about this and hope that he will love school. Be looking for "first day of school" pictures on Monday, their first day!

That's the update for now. Thanks for all your prayers as we walk down this path of uncertainty and adventure.

Esther, passed out on the couch this morning while she "burned" the virus out of her.

Garrett, snacking, a lot. The goldfish came after an orange. After the goldfish was an apple and more goldfish - I think he's growing!

Olivia's been really into doing her own hair. Today's ponytail is the best she's done so far.

Here's Esther, healthy. I couldn't have the only picture on this post be of her sick, she's too cute for that!

Here's Gideon showing me how upset he is that I won't put him the the bath when he wanted to go in. What this picture doesn't show is how he tried to take off his own pants to get ready for the tub. This resulted in "bustin' a sag" or "plumbers crack." Funny pictures, just not blog friendly!!

5 year old Greatness

Creating a masterpiece on the driveway. I think it was titled, "Rainbow".


A fun time a Chuckie Cheese to help celebrate the day. Garrett and Daddy on the "rollercoaster." (it's the only way Garrett will be able to ride one with Daddy, since Josh won't get on a realy one!)

Is it possible that my little boy is now 5? Extreme doesn't begin to describe Garrett. He loves hard, plays hard, and rages hard. He's beginning to verbalize his feelings a little more, I'm hoping this will help him deal with the many feelings he has going on inside of him. He seems to always be out numbered when it comes to girls. Some days this bothers him, some days, he could care less. Ten years from now he's going to love being out numbered by all the girls! ;)

He's learning how to be gentle with Gideon, realizing that he's not quite big enough to wrestle hard with yet. He's turned Esther into his little servant, sending her for all his snacks and drinks, I think we'll call that resourceful. When it comes to his relationship with Olivia, they are growing apart, in a healthy way. They were so close in age, it was almost like they were twins, experiencing everything at the same time. However, with Olivia at school this year, the roles have changed and Garrett is falling into being the oldest child at home.

Garrett's keen sense of energy and feelings has really developed this year. We are working on how to harness his ability to discern other's feelings for good. He loves asking, "How was your day?" and really listening to the answer. He loves to tell us what he's thankful for. His prayers are heartfelt and he's beginning to understand what following Jesus really looks like. On the way home from church recently, we had this conversation:

G: "Christians don't die."

M: "Really, where did you hear that?" I was a little taken back by this comment. I was afraid that if this wasn't explained correctly, it could skew his view of God. So, we continued carefully.

G: "Daniel." (the youngest son of our pastor from MI)

D: "Hmmm. Garrett, pinch yourself." He does. "Do you feel that, the pinch? That is your physical body, and it will die. All of our physical bodies die. But when we believe in Jesus and follow him, our souls, our spiritual bodies, go to heaven."

G: "Yeah, I believe in Jesus. I'm a Christian."

I am excited to see what the next year hold for our Garrett. I pray in earnest that we will be able to mold his BIG personality into a vessel for God's kingdom.

Happy 5th Birthday buddy, you're great!

The Million Dollar Question

How are we doing? That's the million dollar question, isn't it?

We are blessed. We are in transition. Some days we are relaxed, some days we are worried. We are discouraged. We are confident. Most days I'm amazed at how well our living situation is going. The rhythm is working. The kids love each other. The conversation is full, encouraging and challenging. Built-in child care. Chore sharing, cooking, cleaning, picking up. Morning coffee is made by many hands and lovingly served to it's rightful owner. We could not be more thankful for the Leeds family for opening up their home so willingly and sacrificially. We are warm at night, full in the day. Our daily bread is being provided, both physically and spiritually.

Psalm 43:1-5

O God, take up my cause!
Defend me against these ungodly people.
Rescue me from these unjust liars.

For you are God, my only safe haven.
Why have you tossed me aside?

Why must I wander around in darkness,
oppressed by my enemies?

Send out your light and your truth;
let them guide me.

Let them lead me to your holy mountain,
to the place where you live.

There I will go to the altar of God,
to God—the source of all my joy.

I will praise you with my harp,
O God, my God!

Why am I discouraged?
Why so sad?

I will put my hope in God!
I will praise him again—
my Savior and my God! NLT

Josh is still looking for employment. He has been diligent in applying and sending out resumes. Nothing has come of it. Today he got an e-mail from a potential opportunity, that said the economy has hurt their business and wasn't sure if they'd be hiring at all. In two weeks of trying to get a job, we hadn't heard anything from anyone. With today's email, I was more discouraged than getting no reply. So, he continues to search, send, and do his part and wait for God to do the rest.

One of the more promising avenues is working for the US Postal Service. The process includes a pretty intense test that requires hours of studying and preparation. Here he is studying. At least he's got time to prepare!

Laura and Esther have become really good friends. They are really cute together and look forward to playing all day. All the kids are going to have withdraw when we move out.

The Legacy

This past Monday my Grandmom went home. Heaven. Her suffering on this earth is now over and she's in glory with her Savior. As we celebrated her life over the last couple of days I learned a couple of things about her that I wish I would have known when she was alive.

Fact #1: She never wanted to be a farmers wife. She was a "city girl" who fell in love with a farmer. One of their wedding gifts was 125 chickens, no wonder she wasn't smiling in any of her wedding pictures! She candled eggs (google it, I had no idea what it was either), made all of her children's clothes, kept the books for their business, and raised seven wonderful children.

Fact #2: She was always in heels. I didn't see a picture of her when she wasn't fully "ready" for her day. There was even a picture of her when we all surprised her on Christmas morning, and out she came, skirt, heels, hair done. I learned later from one of my aunts, that she did this for my grandfather. He delivered milk, and always thought that if the woman met him at the door in their "house coat," they were lazy. Grandmom submitted to his expectation of a wife and mother and honored his wishes. What a great example to follow.

Fact #3: My grandparents loved each other, DEEPLY. Grandmom really hadn't been the same since Grandpop died almost 10 years ago. After 58 years of marriage, their love was stronger than ever. One Christmas Grandpop forgot to get Grandmom a Christmas card (we don't even get Christmas cards for each other), so he wrote her a note to apologize. At the age of 73 he says, "To the best wife a man could ever have" and "this has been the best year of our lives so far, and know that the next will be even better." He cherished her, adored her, LOVED her. I think that speaks volumes about, not only their marriage, but about the woman she was.

It was a bittersweet day. Tears, laughs, time with family. The legacy my grandparents left is long and deep. 7 children, 20 grandchildren, 30 great-grandchildren, and 5 more on the way. I am proud to be an Entwistle. I am proud of my family and the beauty that each of them brings to my life. I love the diversity, the quirks, the similarities. Most of all I love that in each of us, we are carrying the legacy on.

Garrett, Uncle Jeff (second son), and Rob (one of my 16 cousins).

Aunt Cathy bouncing Gideon.

Avery, Ange, Gideon and Nate.

My cousin Jenn's oldest daughter, Kayleigh, turned 13. Of course we had to embarrass her by singing to her. From left to right, Aunt Joyce, Aunt Sharon, Kayleigh, Marsh, and Jenn.

Shaylan, Olivia and Esther playing together.

Nate and Garrett

My dad John, the youngest sibling, with the oldest sibling, Aunt Ginny.

Olivia and Katie playing together.

From bottom left to right: Joe, Aunt Sharon, Aunt Ginny, Aunt Peggy, Aunt Joyce (all 4 daughters), Aunt Wendy and Uncle Jim (the oldest son).

Aunt Judy and Ange

Aunt Wendy, Uncle Jim, Uncle Roy (my grandfather's brother) and Andrew.

My dad, Rob, Marsh and Aunt Sharon.

Ange, Avery and Bekah (another cousin).

Nate, Garrett and Esther get ready for a game.

It was a long day so Garrett sunggled up with Grammy at the end of the night. If you know Garrett, you know you've never seen him that still in the midst of all those people. He must have been really tired!