News

As many of our fathiful followers of our blog have known we were expecting our fouth baby on May 8th 2007. I have sad news that we found out on Tuesday of this week that the BABIES are no longer with us. Josh and I went in for our 20 week ultrasound to find out the sex of our baby and learned that there was not just one, but two babies who had gone to see our Jesus before we ever got to meet them. The emotions that ran through us in those first moments, learning of twins, then learning they were gone, cannot be expressed on paper. I had known something wasn't right with the baby for a couple weeks now - there was some kind of mothers intuition that was telling me something was wrong. I even took a pregnancy test a couple of weeks ago, b/c I was that certain. It did come back positive, but the Dr. said that would happen b/c those hormons remain in the body for a while. At the time of the ultrasound, they were only measuring 13.5 weeks - they do shrink down after they are gone, but not that much. So, my belief is that they had been gone for many weeks and my body just held on to them. The other kids don't really understand the depth of loss and are just worried about mommy, whose "nose is still red and is crying again."

I had a D&C yesterday and am recovering under the strict watch of my loving and sweet husband who won't let me do anything! It's a little weird to go from doing everything all day, to nothing. I love him for making me rest and I love him for being the one I get to go through this with. I love that he wants to protect me and tell me I did nothing wrong. I love him for being sad and for knowing that this still won't be the end of the Crisp kids for us.

God has been a strong sustainer in all this and has given me great peace today (don't know how I'll be tomorrow). I praise him for knowing what we need before we do and for being in control, even when we don't understand His reasoning. I'm thankful I've got two babies in heaven waiting for us. And I know that they will never have to endure the hardships of this life, and for that I am thankful. As much as I wish they could be mine, I know they are better with our Jesus.