We are now 5 days removed from losing our babies and the grief seems to be getting more intense, at least for me (Jess). I guess I'm struggling now with how life goes back to "normal". We are in IN with Josh's family, but I don't feel like myself, and I feel like other people sense that and don't quite know what to make of the quiet, reserved Jess. That makes me feel bad, b/c I don't want to make others feel uncomfortable, I just don't have anything to say (I know that's hard to believe). I'm forgetting things that happened a couple weeks ago, I can't seem to come up with simple answers, like, "Is Olivia still into Dora?" I just can't come up with words to answer the question, it frustates me.
It's not that I'm thinking about the babies all the time, or even questioning God (which I've done), it's just I don't feel like myself. Maybe myself is forever changed, maybe I'll get over it, maybe I won't. I guess I need to know where to go from here.
I am trusting that God is leading me out of the "valley of shadow of death" and that his "rod and staff are comforting me". This Psalm has not stopped running through my head these last couple of days and brings me comfort. I am resting in the wing of the true Comforter and finding just that, amidst the confusion in my mind.
Thank you for all your prayers and comments. Thank you for reading the babblings of my heart.
4 comments:
Sometimes peace comes in the quietness of your heart (and mouth. . . in our case)! I pray the peace that passes all understanding over you! It is ok to forever be changed and to be who you need to be now, in this moment. I wish I could be there with you just to sit quietly, just to hug you! I don't think that it is about "getting over it". . .it is about letting God get you through it, so sit quietly. I love you!
Just take it a little at a time...we are covering you guys in prayer.
And, it IS about you right now - if you want to be quiet, be quiet.
Love you guys.
Thinking of you today especially as things seem so poignant on this very day. Praying for peace for you and an overwhelming sense of love from your family and your God.
I just read your blog...Katy and I are asking God to surround you and your family.
-DK
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