peace

"Our Father is heaven,

hallowed be Your name,

Your Kingdom come,

Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven.

Give us today our daily bread.

And forgive us our debts, as we have also forgiven our debtors.

And lead us not into temptation,

but deliver us from the evil one."

I have said this prayer every day for the past month, making it the focus of my day and prayer for our life. I repeat some part of the prayer throughout the day, depending on the type of day we are having or what we are going through. Lately, the line has been, "Your will be done, (in me) on this earth, as it is in heaven. I pray that with thought of our future in mind. Where will we be in a year? Is God moving our ministry? Guide our family where you want us. But the thought always comes to me that his will is being done here, now, always. And when I look at it that way, my whole day changes perspective. Knowing regardless of how I feel, what decisions need to be made, and what changes are inevitably going to happen I am in God's will it gives me peace.

That last part, the part about changes inevitably happening, happened. And I was ready. Last night I spent three hours in the ER confirming what I had been feeling for a couple of weeks. That I had lost the baby. When I left the house, I looked at Josh and said, "I'm at peace with what the outcome will be." As at peace with being pregnant with what was going to be our 5th living child, I am just as at peace with not having that child. I believe in the giver and taker of life. I believe that His ways are not my ways, or His time, my time. I cannot understand all His ways, but I do know that He is fulfilling in me His will on earth, just as it is in heaven. God does answer prayers. Sometimes the answers are just what we were looking for. Sometimes they don't look like what we thought they would. Sometimes they hurt. But that's ok. I serve a God who cares about my hurt. Cries with me, mourns with me, and loves me through it.

Thank you in advance for all your prayers. Right now we are praying that my body will do what in natural so I won't have to have surgical intervention, like last time. I have until Tuesday for this to happen, so prayer for that would be coveted!