I am a self proclaimed control freak. I fool myself into thinking that I've got it all together all the time. Our finances, our marriage, the kids, the housework. You get the point. The lesson that I'm not in control is one I learn, over and over. . .and over.
I was reminded of it again yesterday while sitting at a baby shower for my dear cousin Bekah and her husband Brian, who are expecting a little girl in August. Questions about adding a baby to your home were asked of the "seasoned" moms in attendance. Things like, "How many diapers will I change in a day?" "How will I know when my milk comes in" (for those of you wondering, you JUST KNOW!!)? "When will my baby sleep through the night?" Advice and expertise is always good for a new mom. However, while talking to my sister about it later, she expressed that the best answers to all questions would be, "Here was what happened with me, but every baby is different, every mothering style is different, all household dynamics are different." My cousin's experience of bringing a child into the world will be different and unique from all of the other moms she knows.
This is a gift that God gives us. Not only does he make us all unique and special, but He then directs us to someone we fall in love with, someone who is completely different and unique, stretching us and molding us into more of the person that He wants us to be. Then, in an amazing act of love and selflessness, He blesses us with children, each unique and perfectly woven together by Him. . .for US! For me. To once again, stretch me, teach me, mold me into the woman He wants me to be. Because of my children, I can relate to my Creator and in my finite thinking, get a glimpse of His love for me. How deep, and long, and wide, and high it is. . .that He sacrificed His son for me.
Ummm, that's not where I was going, but I guess that's where I was suppose to go. . .
Back to being in control (or not).
We have all chosen to raise our families, how we feel is best for us. As a house, family, and for each child. And hopefully, in a way that is leading us to train up and lead our children toward Him. We've all seen parenting styles we don't agree with, ones we wish we could institute in our house, and constantly changing styles. Like everything else in this life, parenting is a learning process. I don't have it all together. And when I look at someone else in judgement of the way they parent, (or don't parent), I am wrong. I know from learning about my own little "angels", that each of them is made so individually and uniquely, that they require different forms of rearing and training. When I stand in judgement of other families, I fail to see their individuality and the whole picture. There are so many factors that go into family dynamics, birth order, sexes of the children, closeness in age, age of the parent, the way we as parents were raised, all go into what style of parenting we choose.
But here's the kicker about parenting (and most other things in life). We really don't have all that control that I just talked about. I want to do my best for each of my beautiful children to raise them up to make wise choices in life, to choose to show love to others, the way Jesus showed his love for us, to love each other deeply and without restraint. But I cannot make the choices for them. I can lead them by example. I can control my reactions to them. I can choose to fly off the handle every time they slip up or I can choose to be there when the consequences come, in love and forgiveness. I can teach them right from wrong, but ultimately, they choose their own path. They too will walk down through the valleys and atop the mountains. I pray that I will be the parent who is understanding enough of each of my individual children, that I will be close enough to them, that they will let me walk the journey with them. Guiding them, listening to them, and teaching them along the way.
So to all you parent's out there, whether you're the parent of a 50 year old, 30 year old, 18 year old, or children who are still at home who "need" you, let's work together in raising our children. Let's come together in understanding and love, not judgement. Let's learn from each other, even if it's what "not to do." Let's love each other, and more importantly, each other's kids the way God made us to love. We all have different ways and expressions of love that can add to the lives of all children. Let's add to the beauty in each life that we contact and give the next generation a picture of full, complete, and uncompromising love.
I was reminded of it again yesterday while sitting at a baby shower for my dear cousin Bekah and her husband Brian, who are expecting a little girl in August. Questions about adding a baby to your home were asked of the "seasoned" moms in attendance. Things like, "How many diapers will I change in a day?" "How will I know when my milk comes in" (for those of you wondering, you JUST KNOW!!)? "When will my baby sleep through the night?" Advice and expertise is always good for a new mom. However, while talking to my sister about it later, she expressed that the best answers to all questions would be, "Here was what happened with me, but every baby is different, every mothering style is different, all household dynamics are different." My cousin's experience of bringing a child into the world will be different and unique from all of the other moms she knows.
This is a gift that God gives us. Not only does he make us all unique and special, but He then directs us to someone we fall in love with, someone who is completely different and unique, stretching us and molding us into more of the person that He wants us to be. Then, in an amazing act of love and selflessness, He blesses us with children, each unique and perfectly woven together by Him. . .for US! For me. To once again, stretch me, teach me, mold me into the woman He wants me to be. Because of my children, I can relate to my Creator and in my finite thinking, get a glimpse of His love for me. How deep, and long, and wide, and high it is. . .that He sacrificed His son for me.
Ummm, that's not where I was going, but I guess that's where I was suppose to go. . .
Back to being in control (or not).
We have all chosen to raise our families, how we feel is best for us. As a house, family, and for each child. And hopefully, in a way that is leading us to train up and lead our children toward Him. We've all seen parenting styles we don't agree with, ones we wish we could institute in our house, and constantly changing styles. Like everything else in this life, parenting is a learning process. I don't have it all together. And when I look at someone else in judgement of the way they parent, (or don't parent), I am wrong. I know from learning about my own little "angels", that each of them is made so individually and uniquely, that they require different forms of rearing and training. When I stand in judgement of other families, I fail to see their individuality and the whole picture. There are so many factors that go into family dynamics, birth order, sexes of the children, closeness in age, age of the parent, the way we as parents were raised, all go into what style of parenting we choose.
But here's the kicker about parenting (and most other things in life). We really don't have all that control that I just talked about. I want to do my best for each of my beautiful children to raise them up to make wise choices in life, to choose to show love to others, the way Jesus showed his love for us, to love each other deeply and without restraint. But I cannot make the choices for them. I can lead them by example. I can control my reactions to them. I can choose to fly off the handle every time they slip up or I can choose to be there when the consequences come, in love and forgiveness. I can teach them right from wrong, but ultimately, they choose their own path. They too will walk down through the valleys and atop the mountains. I pray that I will be the parent who is understanding enough of each of my individual children, that I will be close enough to them, that they will let me walk the journey with them. Guiding them, listening to them, and teaching them along the way.
So to all you parent's out there, whether you're the parent of a 50 year old, 30 year old, 18 year old, or children who are still at home who "need" you, let's work together in raising our children. Let's come together in understanding and love, not judgement. Let's learn from each other, even if it's what "not to do." Let's love each other, and more importantly, each other's kids the way God made us to love. We all have different ways and expressions of love that can add to the lives of all children. Let's add to the beauty in each life that we contact and give the next generation a picture of full, complete, and uncompromising love.
Bekah and myself, belly to belly.
The many children at the baby shower yesterday. In all, 4 different families are represented in the two pictures. Look at all the beauty!
2 comments:
Man do I learn this lesson over and over. A very wise woman whose children are all grown and in ministry recently shared this. Someone said to her, "Look how great your children have turned out. That's the sign of a good parent." She politely responded, "thank you but I disagree. She said, the lives of my children are a testament to the grace of God. Period." Man does that stick with me- in relation to my own parenting and in trying not to judge or even attribute goodness to a parent's "ability." I may have shared that before- I don't remember, but your post reminded me of it again.
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