Today's events, have once again got me resting in His promises. And more than any other instance, surprised me and tested me. Like a slap in the face, a stub of the toe, a kick in the gut, here's what happened.
As the kids and I left my sister's house, I cranked up the radio (my kids love KLOVE), ready to rock all the way home. But, as we stopped at the traffic light headed out of the development, Garrett asked, "Mom? I want to have an a-p-art. . .thing." Gasp. . .cough. . .pray. I knew what was coming. "Um, what do you mean?" He continues, "Like what Aunt Ange had before her house, I want to live in one of those." Oh Lord, help me keep it together. "An apartment?
Why?" "I want to live by ourselves again. We need our own house." Okay God, I know where you want me to go with this, thank you.
You see, for a while now, Josh and I have really tried to use the words 'need' and 'want' correctly. So, as soon as he said, "we NEED our own house" I knew what lesson God was wanting me teach our children and at the same time, using this opportunity to reaffirm His promises to us.
I walked through things that we NEED. Food, (maybe not even three meals a day), heat when it's cold, shelter from the wind, rain, and snow, and most of all, love. Which, I was able to let them know we had LOTS of. But even with the 7 of us - we have all we need! We are blessed abundantly with the love of our family and friends. As we talked through this, we were able to come up with so many things to be thankful for and at the same time, was able to teach them that God wants us to go to Him when we have requests. I shared that mommy and daddy would love to be able to give them a house to live in, but aren't able to at this time. So, if they wanted, they could ask God to give us a house. They seemed satisfied with that and asked me to turn up the radio. After I did, I noticed that it was unusually quiet the rest of the ride home.
I was excited to tell Josh about the interaction, only to share the truths that God taught our children this day. I knew, just as I initially felt like a failure and unsatisfactory when this subject came up, he would feel much, much more. Through tears I shared the story and watched my husband's face fall in shame. Leaning over, placing his arms on the counter, his head fell between his hands, his heart filled with sadness. I knew it would take him longer to see God's promises. I turned to finish dinner and started praying.
He remained distant the rest of the night. Prayer time at bedtime was hope filled and humble, ending with daddy saying a prayer for our family. As I write this blog, he is on the couch listening to a song on his phone, really loud. So loud, that I turn to ask him what he's listening to and to ask him to turn it down because I can't even hear myself think. Before I get to the 'turn it down part' he says with a smile (the first smile I've seen all night), "This song was just what I needed to hear tonight. Did you hear it?" I tell him no, because I was blogging and trying to concentrate, but couldn't because of how loud the music was. He starts the song over for me. Here are the lyrics by Matt Maher:
"It don't have a job
Don't pay your billsWon't buy you a homeIn Beverly HillsWon't fix your life
And find easy stepsAin't the low or the limpOr the governmentBut as soon you needed...Love, will, hold us togetherMake us a shelterto weather the stormAnd I'll, be, my brothers keeperSo the whole world will knowThat we're not alone
It's waiting for youKnockin' at your doorEvery moment of truth
When your heart hits the floorWhen you're on your knees then...Love, will, hold us togetherMake us a shelter to weather the stormAnd I'll, be, my brothers keeperSo the whole world will know That we're not aloneThis is the first, day of the rest of your life
This is the first, day of the rest of your life
'Cause even in the dark you can still see the lightIt's gonna be alright, 's gonna be alright."
Thank you God, for that breath of fresh air and for
answering prayers so quickly and in your time.
We wait on you.