Thursday, November 26, 2009

Gideon Joshua

Gideon Joshua - def. - Every ones favorite blond haired, brown eyed boy. Stinker to the core, but too cute to care. Carrier of his blankie and sucker of the thumb. Talks in babble, screams in tantrums, gets what he wants. . .most of the time. Spoiled by siblings. Rider of a tricycle, loves to be outside, often found shirtless kind of kid. Door greeter, knee hugger, kiss stealer. Loves his baby sister. Wary of the ocean. Shy in new groups of people. Escape artist of the church nursery. Karate kickin', paper colorin', thinks he's bigger than he is, light of our life.

We love you Gid man - your smile will always melt my heart.

Gideon on his 2nd birthday enjoying his cupcake.

Sunday, November 22, 2009

It made me cry

THIS made me cry.
The pen/pencil holder from the desk at our old house.

Why? You ask. Because it's part of my life that is packed away in HERE.

Because the reality of life being packed upstairs in my parents garage doesn't bother me until I go digging through boxes looking for my STUFF.

This is 90% of our STUFF. The STUFF that filled our home. That held the kids clothes, decorated the walls, kept the kids warm at night, and served dinner every night for 8 years.

Now IT collects dust and cob webs.

Look in the bottom right hand side of this picture, is a curved piece of wood, the end of our crib. The crib all of our children have slept in, EXCEPT Nora. I want her to sleep in it. I wonder if she will ever get to.

I know it seems like a silly thing to cry about, but I did.
And wonder, "What ARE you doing, God?"

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Just some thoughts

A family member recently told me she was in awe at how patient we've been through this 'waiting' time we are in. Until she said that, I hadn't really thought about how much waiting we've been doing or the fact that we still have no clear direction as far as our next step. God has definitely been growing us and as painful as it can be, I have an overwhelming peace about the future and all the waiting.

Don't get me wrong, I have days of discontentment, frustration and overwhelming anger - but these days are few, for that I am thankful. I know that my peace comes only from my God and that He is answering the prayers of soooo many of you who have lifted us up daily.

When I have those negative feelings, I really have to remember ALL the promises that God gave to us and know that through our obedience, He will be glorified, but only if I remain focused on His will, not my own.

I remain so content with my life. I don't think words can adequately express my contentment with our living situation, our church, our marriage, Josh's job, homeschooling the kids, our friends, the kids' friends, and relying on God to provide our every need.

To God be the Glory.

All the kids cuddled up with daddy (Uncle Josh) at a family wedding shower this past weekend. I know I can speak for Josh and say that he NEVER thought he'd have 5 kids - but he's a natural. I love watching him father and train our children.

Again, Josh on kid duty at the shower. Gideon, Owen (my cousins little guy), and Nora (laying in front of Josh). How handsome is he? I love him!

Tuesday, November 03, 2009

Lessons through Vanity

You know the feeling you get when God hears your prayers and answers them the way YOU thought HE should.

Yeah, me either.

Because when it comes to the real issues of life, God's plans usually don't match up with ours. And thank goodness they don't, because in the end, God's plans are always better, safer, and a more pleasant surprise than we could have even imagined. I know I've shared this thought a million times, but I was reminded again this morning when I was talking to Nora.

My thought process was a little jumbled, so hopefully you'll be able to follow me as I go down this road.

At six weeks of age, Nora is starting to smile at people. There is such joy when your baby looks at you and you see recognition in her eyes. Even when they can't quite get their mouth to curl up on the ends, you see the smile in their eyes. It's just about the most glorious thing your eyes can see. As she smiled and sparkled at me, I looked at her dark blue eyes I was thankful. Not because she is here with us (although I am thankful for that). But BECAUSE she had blue eyes.

Here's the background. When Olivia was born, I was expecting, whole heartily, that our child would have dark hair and dark brown eyes. Much to my surprise, she was born with very little hair and piercing blue eyes. To this day, I'm still shocked that my husbands genes were stronger than mine, but I'm over it.

With every child after that, I wished (not prayed) that they would have dark brown eyes and dark hair. Hoping that one of our children would look like me. After Esther made her grand appearance, with her dark eyes and button nose, I was content (even if she was bald, just like her two older siblings). My contentment came, not from the fact that I got a dark eyed baby, but from the realization that no matter what they look like, they are God's gift to me. Perfectly and wonderfully formed the way HE sees fit. And no matter who they resemble or look like, my love will never waiver.

I am working my way back to the beginning, please stay with me!!

Gideon's features are so strikingly gorgeous. I know I'm bias, but really, have you even seen a more contrasting look as him? With his bright blond hair and eyes as big as the sun and as dark as the night? Again, not something I would have created myself, but oh so glad that God did.

Fast forward to my pregnancy with Nora.

With every child you have, you wonder, "What will this one look like? Will they resemble a sibling? parent?" And since my pregnancy with Esther, I hadn't hoped for anything. Only for a healthy baby. But this time it was different. Selfishly, I hoped that Nora WOULD have hair (ok, so I wasn't that over it!), lots of it. And DARK. And knowing that this would be our last child, I hoped that this baby would join Olivia (and Josh) in the blue eyed club. Not only would she join them in the club, but I wanted her to be the complete opposite of Gid.

I know this all sounds very vain. However, I think that most moms, and parents for that matter, can relate to dreaming up what your children will look like. So please don't judge me too harshly.

So, as I looked at my, opposite of her brother, blue eyed club member, God spoke to my heart and said, (not audibly, but you know what I mean) "See, I know your heart. Look at MY little girl, created by ME, for MY pleasure, that you get to enjoy, the way you pictured her. Because I see your heart. I know your wants. And once in a while, even in the small things in life, you can have what you want. Above and beyond what you need, I want to bless you. So be encouraged, today MY child, I see you, I hear your requests, even when you don't say them. The big, the small, the silly, the serious - I am God."

Whooaaaa! All that from looking into my daughters blue eyes. I NEVER saw that promise reminder coming through my hope of my blue eyed baby. But man, am I thankful that God works in ways I can never understand or imagine. And that I serve a God who daily gives grace and mercy, so that I can LIVE and learn.

And pass on the love.