Things stay the same.
The themes of the last two years.
February 18th marked our two year anniversary of moving to New Jersey. Honestly, I still don't know what's going on. I have no idea where God is taking us - what the next step is - or when change is going to come.
Here's what I do know. As frustrating as it is to be in a hold pattern for the last two years, I believe that God's future plan for us is better than the immediate gratification of what I think we need. I have faith that this journey is to get us ready for God's perfect plan, not Jess's. I am challenged daily to sit and wait. I want to wait as faithfully and patiently as Joseph. I mean, come on, he was given a clear vision of what his future would look like. Yet as his life twisted and turned in ways that seemed to not move in line with what he knew, he didn't falter. He didn't get angry when he was sold as a slave. He didn't ask "why?" every day he was in prison after being falsely accused. He didn't pray for his future, telling God how to get him there. He didn't wonder. He didn't break.
Here's the other thing I know. We are healing. Our family at Sovereign Grace Church has been the most amazing support, encouragement, and life line we could have asked for. We are being challenged to see our sin. We are growing in care for others. We are growing in our love for the God who controls everything. Challenged to take that love out. Share it. Live it. For real.
I know that without moving here I would have never home schooled the kids. I know that for our family this is the best option for us. I know that I am being stretched and my relationships with my kids are growing deeper because of our choice to home school. I am so grateful to get to stay home and influence their lives 24/7. A lot of days it's exhausting. By 6pm, I'm done. I am learning to put aside my desires and wants, not just for the day, but in every minute. Because, sometimes, that's what it takes to get through the minute.
Finally, this is what I know. Ultimately, I know nothing. Things can change in the blink of an eye. This is a hard place for me to be. I am being stretched in what and who I put my trust in. I am walking blind along a path that is dark. But I hold onto hope (this is my light), knowing that He who began a good work in me, is faithful to complete it.