Meeting up with friends

The kids and I had a great time on Friday meeting the Meeks in OC for the day. Brian and Wendy are old friends from the church Josh worked at in New Castle, IN. They have three beautiful girls, Ally, Abby, and Mady. My kids didn't remember them at all, but they became instant friends.

Olivia and Abby really hit it off and could hardly be found for a photograph because they went from the water to digging/building/collecting and back to the water!

Garrett and Mady are the same age and got along great too. Mady seems to get along well with boys, and could handle his rough-housing.

Esther and Mady also had fun bonding in the surf. After the second trip to the beach this summer, I think it's safe to say that Esther loves the water, goes in as far as she feels comfortable and does not feel left out when the others go out further than her. She's happy to dance and spin in the surf all by herself. People probably wonder where that child's mother is!! :)

Gideon was awesome again - digging, chasing birds, and stealing people's holes. It seemed like everytime we dug a hole, he found it and took it over. It didn't matter that there were three other's right next to him, he had to go find the newest one.

Brian was a trooper and gave all the kids turns at going out to the really rough waves. Wendy and I manned the beach and kept count of all the little bodies we were in charge of. It was nice to catch up and spend the day soaking up the sun. It does a body good (or is that milk)??

All the "kids," minus Garrett. In the background from left to right, Ally, Brian (yes, a definite "big" kid), Olivia, and Mady. In the foreground from left to right, Abby, Gideon and Esther.

Gideon the hole stealer!

Esther coming up from her "dancey-dance" time in the surf.

Garrett was a great sport and let the girls bury him and decorate him however they wanted.

What I can Control

I am a self proclaimed control freak. I fool myself into thinking that I've got it all together all the time. Our finances, our marriage, the kids, the housework. You get the point. The lesson that I'm not in control is one I learn, over and over. . .and over.

I was reminded of it again yesterday while sitting at a baby shower for my dear cousin Bekah and her husband Brian, who are expecting a little girl in August. Questions about adding a baby to your home were asked of the "seasoned" moms in attendance. Things like, "How many diapers will I change in a day?" "How will I know when my milk comes in" (for those of you wondering, you JUST KNOW!!)? "When will my baby sleep through the night?" Advice and expertise is always good for a new mom. However, while talking to my sister about it later, she expressed that the best answers to all questions would be, "Here was what happened with me, but every baby is different, every mothering style is different, all household dynamics are different." My cousin's experience of bringing a child into the world will be different and unique from all of the other moms she knows.

This is a gift that God gives us. Not only does he make us all unique and special, but He then directs us to someone we fall in love with, someone who is completely different and unique, stretching us and molding us into more of the person that He wants us to be. Then, in an amazing act of love and selflessness, He blesses us with children, each unique and perfectly woven together by Him. . .for US! For me. To once again, stretch me, teach me, mold me into the woman He wants me to be. Because of my children, I can relate to my Creator and in my finite thinking, get a glimpse of His love for me. How deep, and long, and wide, and high it is. . .that He sacrificed His son for me.

Ummm, that's not where I was going, but I guess that's where I was suppose to go. . .

Back to being in control (or not).

We have all chosen to raise our families, how we feel is best for us. As a house, family, and for each child. And hopefully, in a way that is leading us to train up and lead our children toward Him. We've all seen parenting styles we don't agree with, ones we wish we could institute in our house, and constantly changing styles. Like everything else in this life, parenting is a learning process. I don't have it all together. And when I look at someone else in judgement of the way they parent, (or don't parent), I am wrong. I know from learning about my own little "angels", that each of them is made so individually and uniquely, that they require different forms of rearing and training. When I stand in judgement of other families, I fail to see their individuality and the whole picture. There are so many factors that go into family dynamics, birth order, sexes of the children, closeness in age, age of the parent, the way we as parents were raised, all go into what style of parenting we choose.

But here's the kicker about parenting (and most other things in life). We really don't have all that control that I just talked about. I want to do my best for each of my beautiful children to raise them up to make wise choices in life, to choose to show love to others, the way Jesus showed his love for us, to love each other deeply and without restraint. But I cannot make the choices for them. I can lead them by example. I can control my reactions to them. I can choose to fly off the handle every time they slip up or I can choose to be there when the consequences come, in love and forgiveness. I can teach them right from wrong, but ultimately, they choose their own path. They too will walk down through the valleys and atop the mountains. I pray that I will be the parent who is understanding enough of each of my individual children, that I will be close enough to them, that they will let me walk the journey with them. Guiding them, listening to them, and teaching them along the way.

So to all you parent's out there, whether you're the parent of a 50 year old, 30 year old, 18 year old, or children who are still at home who "need" you, let's work together in raising our children. Let's come together in understanding and love, not judgement. Let's learn from each other, even if it's what "not to do." Let's love each other, and more importantly, each other's kids the way God made us to love. We all have different ways and expressions of love that can add to the lives of all children. Let's add to the beauty in each life that we contact and give the next generation a picture of full, complete, and uncompromising love.

Bekah and myself, belly to belly.

The many children at the baby shower yesterday. In all, 4 different families are represented in the two pictures. Look at all the beauty!

hair cuts and new trucks!!

Garrett got his much needed summer cut today. He loves his mo hawk!

Mom and dad drove down to pick up dad's new truck today. The kids have been really excited about it and took advantage of playing in it as soon as it was parked in the driveway. They also couldn't wait for a ride in the back. Dad took them the short distance from the driveway to the side yard so they could wash it. Tons of fun had by all, even Indy joined the fun in the back of the truck.

The girls hangin' out in the back of the truck. Olivia made this face on purpose, she's so mean!

Then she stood up and said, "Here mom, I'll pose now." She doesn't disappoint, does she?

Gid loved the back of the truck too. He really liked it when I got in the cab and made silly faces at him though the window.

The best shot of all four.

When dad moved the truck, Gideon opted to ride in the cab with P-Pop.

They had lots of fun washing the car. Their personalities were really evident too. Olivia was all about finishing the task, quickly but perfectly. Garrett was all over the truck washing small sections and constantly re-soaking his rag. Esther was really thorough, focusing on one spot until she thought it was clean enough to move on. She got stuck on the rear bumper where there is some rust. She continually came back over and over to try to get the spot out!

I think this is the only washing he did. He was more interested in getting close enough to the hose to touch the stream of water and get himself wet.

I'm loving having our Sunday's to ourselves. There have been things I miss about being a pastor's family, but for the most part, Sunday is more relaxing, less stressful, and actually feels like a real weekend, having two days off in a row! And man, do I LOVE having Josh home to help get everyone ready for church, drink our coffee together, and ride as a family to church. A refreshing change from the last five years in church work.

Psalm 40

Overall, I would consider myself pretty positive person, and I think that others would say the same. This has not been the case the last couple of days. I am in the middle of some major growing pains and I WANT OUT! I'm not sure what God's purpose in this refinement is, but right now, I'm fighting it with everything I have.

Yesterday, I actually wrote a blog about how I feel. This is one of the sentences I wrote, 'I want God to show me exactly what I can do to make everyone in my family happy. To fulfill every one's different personalities and I want it to fit into HIS perfect plan so we can live in utopia for the next 50 years.' REALLY!! I want a to live in a utopia?? How delusional is that?

I feel 'let down' by much of what is happening in our life. And immediately after feeling that, I feel guilt, because I have SO MUCH to be thankful for. I can rant on and on about the blessings and provisions we have been given, but they're just in my head - my heart hasn't been able to see them clearly.

As Josh and I talked about this last night, I told him I feel lost. I have no sense of purpose. I know the "Christian" answers to this problem, but those answers aren't enough for me right now. At least, I don't think they are. He said that everyone feels like that. That, most of us are walking around confused and reaching out to anything to find purpose. Is that true? Do you feel lost on this journey you're on? I know I haven't always felt like this, I know at some points in my life, I had purpose. . .at least I convinced myself I did. See? Did you see what just happened? The doubt just creeps in a steals any sort of joy that I could find that might bring me out of this valley.

I share all of this, because as most of you know, I process and grow by verbalizing. This is the way I can verbalize when the only people home are our beautiful rug-rats.

I feel lighter already.

This blog is mostly a testament to our kids. It has, when needed, taken the form of my growing pains. We aren't perfect in our marriage, as parents, or Jesus followers. We are traveling our path, sometimes in the dark, sometimes with big neon signs, sometimes on our own, sometimes holding our Guide's hand. Our path has taken us into lower valleys then this one. . .my hope and prayer is that I'm on my way up to the Rock.

If you're stuck in a valley, if you are also fumbling around in the dark, be encouraged. You are not alone. We have a Deliverer. We have one who does answer prayers. One who makes our path clear. One whose plan is GREATER than anything we can even wish for or imagine. Let us not lose hope. . .our hope is in the Lord.

The first of many

New Shovels and Buckets for the beach: $22.00

Philly Water Ice Pops for the kids: $4.00

Atlantic Ocean and endless beaches: $0

A day In Ocean City at the beach: priceless.

Thumb sucking and the growing kids

Anyone out there have any good ideas how to stop THIS:

He really loves his thumb, but he's five. This behavior is the worst, obviously, at night while going to sleep and also when he watches TV. I guess it might be time to stop him from doing it, any suggestions are welcomed!

Little Bean - seriously, I love this kid! Every time I get home from a Dr.'s appointment she says, "Mommy, did you get your baby out?" So cute. She said to me this morning on the way home from the store, "Jesus make me a mommy, ok?" I love that she wants to be a mommy!



Me and Gid. He's quite the mama's boy! Love, love, love his big brown eyes and irresistible laugh. He gets the biggest kick out of himself and of making others laugh. He's got a great sense of humor. So much fun!

Olivia's been really into writing stories, mostly about herself, but it a start, right? :) Today after she was finished with her homework she sat at the table and wrote this story:

ALL ABOUT ME

I love skool it is fun.

It is fun fun fun.

I lrn los uf stuf.

I do math.

Math is fun.

The End

I'm really glad she wrote this story because lately she's been a bear to get out of bed for school. She's also made so many friends at school and here at home that we are starting to deal with; how to be a good friend, how to choose good friends, and constantly hammering the idea of treating others the way you want to be treated. It's exhausting and hard to watch as she gets hurt by "friends" and continually wants to play with them anyway. We've started praying for these friends as well as how we can love them unconditionally (the second part is harder for daddy and I then for the kids!).

Big Boy Toys

In an effort to level the ground in my parents backyard for our easy-set pool, Josh brought home "help." Once again, he and my dad were like little kids talking about the tractor, using the tractor, and just LOOKING at the tractor. We got a lot done yesterday thanks to the "toy." All the moving of dirt would have taken much longer and the pool wouldn't be up and filled had we not had it. I'm thankful to Lawn Connection for lending us the equipment.

Here's the kids taking turns sitting in the drivers seat.

This is the truck that Josh drives everyday. It pulls the trailer with either the tractor on it, or all the other lawn care equipment they use.

Garrett's turn in the drivers seat. The two kids you don't recognize are neighbores who are frequently found playing in our yard. :)

Daddy and Gideon backing the tractor off the trailer. Esther was really scared and yelling at Josh, "Daddy, Gideon, ok?" Over and over.

In other boy news, here's Garrett's latest scrape. Actually, a slice, that I thought was going to need stitches. Luckily, it was a diagonal slice and not straight across the chin. He did this while running down the sidewalk, tripped and fell, hitting his chin on a brick. I didn't see it happen, but I'm assuming it was the corner of the brick. I'll be surprised if there's a time this summer when he doesn't have some sort of cut, scrape, or bruise on his body. He's sooo rough!

I love these faces!

Howcould
you

NOT LOVE

these

faces??

Boy Fun

If you're male and you are somehow related to my family, chances are you LOVE Jeeps. Wranglers to be exact. My dad has owned three (one that was actually my brothers), we have had two, Corrie has expressed the NEED for one, now that they live in a "4 wheel drive" town. I do have to say, they are fun to drive, especially with the top and doors off.

My dad got his hands on a free Jeep a couple of years ago that "needed work." Basically, it wouldn't start and the clutch was totally broken. It's been sitting in his garage all these years waiting for some tender loving hands to come fix it (and someone with some money to put into it). When we moved in, dad had to roll the Jeep out because all our stuff needed to go in it's place. A couple of weeks ago, we moved our stuff to the attic so that the Jeep could regain it's position and the guys could get to work on it. Did I forget to mention that a week before that, they got it started? The reaction of Josh and dad would have made you think that Jesus had come back for them, they were so excited! And actually, for mother's day, they thought that the highlight of the day would be starting it...so they did. Highlight?...not exactly...at least not for the mothers.

Esther sat in it on Sunday when they started it and was frozen with fear from the noise. She was sitting in the passenger seat crying for someone to get her out of the "scary Jeep." She probably can't appreciate the Jeep for what it is because she's female...

Gideon sat in it yesterday, full of smiles and laughs. I'm sure he was dreaming about the day when he could have one of his own.

Watch out! Here I come!

And what spells fun for a boy more than a pile of dirt and rocks. And man, is there more then enough of that around this place.

"I grab this here...and then...

I put this thing on this hard, dirty stuff....and (grunt) lift.


Check out my findings...

...looks good to me!"

Of course, I did say that this post was about boy fun, but seriously, I couldn't leave out this picture of Esther. She can get just as dirty as the boys and play just as hard, and that ragamuffin face...LOVE IT! She is my little girl who loves "spin-'round" dresses, but she can wear anything and be super cute, don't ya think?

Ok, and since I've already veered away from the boy theme once, I'm going to do it again and share some Olivia quotes from when she was sick the last couple of days.

I explained to Olivia when she feels like she's going to throw up to use the puke bucket...you all know what I'm talking about. Anyway, during her second spewing at 3 in the morning, I ran out to hear her saying, between gags and pukes,

"Oh, man, (gag) I got it on my pj's! (gag, gag)"

"It's ok", I reply, as I grab for the bucket. "Why don't you have the bucket?"

"Mom, I couldn't help it, it zoomed up so fast!" As she ran her finger up her throat.

The next morning, I was sitting with her while another bout of sickness was coming out of her, holding her hair back and rubbing her back. When she was finished, she looked up at me and said, "I'm all out."

That says it all folks, doesn't it?

not me again

This Monday has been extremely productive! For the first time in my married life I hung my laundry on the line outside (5 loads)! Garrett and I had some good mother/son time while he moved the line for me, and took down some dry clothes. The clothes are at this moment, folded and put away! I also got the van COMPLETELY clean. I mean, scrubbed the grime off the arm rest, vacuum the snot out of the carpet, take the car seat covers off the seats and washed them, smells like a new car, CLEAN!

In the spirit of some of those things, here's my "NOT ME" list.

I did not enjoy hanging the laundry out on the line. I did not hum a little tune, say a couple prayers, or utterly enjoy the quiet breeze whispering around me.

I did not let my 3 year old "help" me clean the van. I did not let her have unlimited access to the environmentally safe armor all and window cleaner to spray and 'clean' where ever she wanted. This control freak mother would never let a child "help" clean and not go back over to do it the "right" way! NOT ME! (I'm not sure how that reads, but really didn't go back over and re-clean her spots!)

I did not leave my 18 month old son unattended on multiple occasions this week while he successfully emptied food items. I did not have to clean up,

Cheerios (I did not make my mom clean these up!)

Tea bags, some of which he opened and was ready to brew up!

Or Cocoa Puffs. At least this time he was trying to get them in a bowl.

I did not find any of these things funny, cute, or bloggable. NOT ME!

I did not put off my blood work for this pregnancy AGAIN, just because I don't want to go. I would never ignore doctors orders, I'm always such a compliant patient.

I did not go 5 for 5 in guessing the sex of our children, before we had them or the ultrasound. I did not tell my husband last Monday, that I thought this baby was a girl. I did not listen to him tell me how he prayed that, although he knew the sex was already determined, he would really like another son. I did not gloat about being 5 for 5 to anyone, what kind of person would do that?? I am not kinda excited that I have a pattern going with my kids. Patterns aren't my thing...Not me!

And, on a sad note...I did not forget that my wonderful husband had planned a date for us this past Saturday. I did not start cooking dinner so we couldn't go out...I would never forget a date, we go on them SOOOOO often!

Joining the "Not Me" club!

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

In an effort to keep my humor fresh and laugh at myself during this transition time in life, I am joining the "Not me!" Monday. I hope you enjoy these things that I would never, ever (not in a million years) do...EVER!

On Saturday, I did not keep my pajama pants on all day, put a sports bra on with a blue, "V" neck maternity shirt, which showed my purple sports bra (did I forget to mention that it was purple?) and walk around the neighborhood all day watching my kids.

On this same day in question, I did not run out of the house like a lunatic, screaming and yelling at my five year old son b/c he wiped out off his bike in the road. And I would never yell at him b/c he disobeyed me, but only b/c I was so worried if he got hurt or not. I would never think that he got what he deserved for disobeying! Not me, I'm way more compassionate than that.

And to make it a solid, three strikes and your out kinda day, that evening, I did NOT run down an entire street block (in my awesome, stay-at-home-mom outfit) screaming and yelling for Mr. Softee, the local ice cream truck, to stop so my kids and niece could have an ice cream cone for a snack.

I'm way above doing any of those things...it was "Not Me..."

He's my son

How many of you are following the Stellan story on MckMama's blog? I have to say, I'm a little obsessed the with it. I even thought about joining the twitter nation, just to follow her on twitter too. She is honest about her life as a wife and mother. She shares truth concerning her faith and struggles. She raises good questions about prayer and healing. But mingled in with all of that is a positive, never give up attitude that is contagious.

I say all of that to share a story about Garrett that brought me to tears. Ok, and a little bit of sobbing.

I was checking "my charming kids" for the fifth time yesterday morning and decided it was a good time to watch a picture montage, set to the song, "He's My Son" by Mark Schultz, that someone had made for MckMama. She warned to have tissues handy, which I didn't. As I began watching it, Garrett joined me. Picture after picture rolled by of Stellan in the hospital, hooked up to wires and tubes. Garrett continued to take in the images and asked, "What's wrong with that baby, mom?" I explained that he was born with a sick heart and that he had to be in the hospital so the doctors could fix his heart. I went a little further to explain that if your heart is sick, that your whole body is sick, b/c our hearts keep us alive.

VERY seriously and with his lip quivering he asked me, "Is he going to die?"

I shrugged my shoulders, getting ready to explain that LOTS of people are praying for him...etc, but he cut me off.

"He's not going to die, mom. Jesus is going to"...he struggles to find the right word... "cure him."

Ok, so the video hadn't made me cry, yet. But that comment started the tears. I grabbed him, put him on my lap and finished the video together. Me, quietly crying behind him all the way through it.

When it finished he looked up at me, lip quivering a little harder this time, tears welled up in his eyes. "Why are you crying buddy?"

"Because, that was a really sad song. I don't want that baby to die."

We went on to talk about how we can pray that God will heal him completely and how we can be thankful for our healthy family.

"Let the little children come to me, and so not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it."

Mark 10:15

We miss him!

It's official. I miss Josh. Olivia misses daddy. Garrett misses daddy. Esther misses daddy. And I'm sure, in his non-verbal way, Gideon misses daddy. And I know Indy misses his walks with daddy!

We are happy, different, changing, and the same. We are the same 6 people who moved from Michigan two months ago undergoing a major shift in life.

One of us is a little thinner.
One of us is a little bigger.
One of us is a little more tired.
One of us is a little more structured.
One of us wakes up REALLY grumpy from our naps.
One of us just keeps getting cuter.

But we're all the same people, dealing with change in our own way, and yet we deal with it together.

Olivia told me she was crying at school today. She thinks that because she's there all day, she's seeing Josh less then the other kids. I don't know if she thinks he's coming home at lunch, but I told her that she sees him as much as the other kids. I'm sure she misses walking home from the bus with him, eating lunch with him, and having him home at dinner 7 nights a week. I know I miss those things.

Garrett asks to wrestle at least 2 times a night. This was their activity. Josh wants to do it, and usually does, it just really hard because he's so physically drained.

All the kids would get excited when he would come home from work, but not like now! Man, they run out the door and meet him on the street. Esther yelling, "Daddy home!" and Gideon screaming joyfully all the way across the yard. The older two usually pull up on their bikes a minutes or two later to say welcome home.

I just thought of this while I was typing. Last night, while my dad and I were making dinner, all the kids were playing outside. Olivia asked me, "what does daddy's shirt say?" "His work shirt says, Lawn Connection. That's who he works for." "Thanks!" And she ran down the driveway. A couple of minutes later I walked down to find her drawing a chalk picture of Josh, in his work clothes, standing next to her. It was cute and she couldn't wait to show it to him.

So, we're all adjusting, some of us slower then others, some of us more verbally than others. We continue to trust in God and seek his direction as we train and lead our children through this new time in life. I know most of you already saw these pictures on facebook, but they are the most recent ones I have of my amazingly hot, hard working, husband...who I love!

Spring Break

School starts back up today. I don't know if I'm glad or dreading the schedule that I have to get back into. The kids had fun this week making new friends in the neighborhood, playing with cousins, and going to parties. The not so fun part was waiting out the rain for two days. Here's some pictures from the week.The girls at "Auntie Brooke's" (my cousin) baby shower. From left to right, Katie, Brooke's sister-in-law (no, I didn't type the relation wrong, she really is Brooke's husband's sister!), Olivia, Ella (my cousin Lauren's daughter), Esther and Avery.

The kids really love the playset in my parents side yard. Many, many hours are spent swinging and sliding!

One of the rainy days I covered the kitchen table with paper and let the kids go after it with Dot Paints. They are awesome! No prep, easy clean-up, fun for hours (ok, minutes), FUN!